I can reproduce the problem consistently (and in minutes quickly) but I can't find any messages in the logs that are helpful.  This problem occurred with a RocketRaid 3740C HBA and the proprietary nvidia driver but now occurs with an LSI/Broadcom 9305-16i HBA and nouveau drivers.  I have flashed the Broadcom card to the latest firmware and bios.  The Host Bus Adapter is connected to 9 drives (of 10, RAID 6 is degraded until the replacement disk arrives).  The network card is a Mellanox ConnectX3 running a 10G ethernet on fibre. Before I exchange the RocketRaid card I remember seeing the proprietary driver write to the kernel log talk about getting 20 something when expecting 18 before the crash.  I can't seem to find those messages anymore though (pointers on how to find them appreciated!).
Steps to Reproduce:
Write a lot of things to disk (write speeds are > 700MB/s).  For example open 3 scp sessions from another computer and write 3 files in parallel at ~250MB/s each.  In less than five minutes Ubuntu screen is frozen / locked up and ssh is non-responsive.  Hard reset appears to be the only option.  After which mdadm thinks the array is dirty (even though the Event count is the same on all drives).  mdadm assemble --force works but then the array spends a day re-syncing.
I'm about at my wits end with this.  I'm considering seeing what will happen with TrueNAS or Alma Linux.  I'm somewhat wondering about the motherboard too (ASRock Tachi X570). The system seems to be fine under any load that does not involve extensive writes to the array including cpu (5700x) and intense network traffic (I can repeatedly send/receive 10s of Gigabytes of network traffic and get ~70 Gbit/s bandwidth).
Edit per comment from
@heynnema
$ sudo free -h
              total        used        free      shared  buff/cache   available
Mem:           62Gi        12Gi       442Mi       372Mi        50Gi        49Gi
Swap:         975Mi        44Mi       931Mi
sudo sysctl vm.swappiness 
vm.swappiness = 60
phil@omni:~$ sudo dmidecode -s bios-version
P4.30
Tasks: 428 total,   2 running, 426 sleeping,   0 stopped,   0 zombie
%Cpu(s): 34.8 us,  2.0 sy,  0.0 ni, 61.1 id,  0.0 wa,  0.0 hi,  2.0 si,  0.0 st
MiB Mem :  64242.9 total,   1192.4 free,  14388.3 used,  48662.3 buff/cache
MiB Swap:    976.0 total,    915.5 free,     60.5 used.  48780.6 avail Mem 
    PID USER      PR  NI    VIRT    RES    SHR S  %CPU  %MEM     TIME+ COMMAND                                                                                                                                                                  
  15919 fooo      20   0 4083880   3.6g  12520 S 312.5   5.7  77:36.68 chia                                                                                                                                                                     
  15560 fooo      20   0 4083904   3.6g  12544 S  93.8   5.7  77:43.99 chia                                                                                                                                                                     
   4764 root      20   0       0      0      0 S  18.8   0.0  93:17.25 md0_raid6                                                                                                                                                                
   1375 unifi     20   0 4028748 180588  21888 S   6.2   0.3   0:04.47 launcher                                                                                                                                                                 
   2154 unifi     20   0 1078716 132904  39776 S   6.2   0.2   0:25.11 mongod                                                                                                                                                                   
   4776 root      20   0       0      0      0 R   6.2   0.0  18:39.73 md0_resync                                                                                                                                                               
  15419 root      20   0       0      0      0 I   6.2   0.0   0:01.07 kworker/0:1-events                                                                                                                                                       
      1 root      20   0  168296  11728   7896 S   0.0   0.0   0:01.02 systemd                                                                                                                                                                  
      2 root      20   0       0      0      0 S   0.0   0.0   0:00.01 kthreadd                                                                                                                                                                 
      3 root       0 -20       0      0      0 I   0.0   0.0   0:00.00 rcu_gp                                                                                                                                                                   
      4 root       0 -20       0      0      0 I   0.0   0.0   0:00.00 rcu_par_gp                                                                                                                                                               
      6 root       0 -20       0      0      0 I   0.0   0.0   0:00.00 kworker/0:0H-kblockd                                                                                                                                                     
      9 root       0 -20       0      0      0 I   0.0   0.0   0:00.00 mm_percpu_wq                                                                                                                                                             
     10 root      20   0       0      0      0 S   0.0   0.0   0:06.43 ksoftirqd/0                                                                                                                                                              
     11 root      20   0       0      0      0 I   0.0   0.0   0:04.24 rcu_sched                                                                                                                                                                
     12 root      rt   0       0      0      0 S   0.0   0.0   0:00.02 migration/0                                                                                                                                                              
     13 root     -51   0       0      0      0 S   0.0   0.0   0:00.00 idle_inject/0 
cat /etc/fstab
# /etc/fstab: static file system information.
#
# Use 'blkid' to print the universally unique identifier for a
# device; this may be used with UUID= as a more robust way to name devices
# that works even if disks are added and removed. See fstab(5).
#
# <file system> <mount point>   <type>  <options>       <dump>  <pass>
/dev/mapper/vgubuntu-root /               ext4    errors=remount-ro 0       1
# /boot/efi was on /dev/nvme0n1p1 during installation
UUID=3C3E-4180  /boot/efi       vfat    umask=0077      0       1
/dev/mapper/vgubuntu-swap_1 none            swap    sw              0       0
#192.168.1.192:/storage     /storage  nfs  defaults 0 0 
UUID=ddc550d2-7f93-4ecf-ac2e-d754c5eee6c9 /storage xfs defaults 0 0 
UUID=BCB65C49B65C05F4 /var/ExChia1 ntfs defaults 0 0
UUID=3A10-3FE7 /var/ExChia4 exfat defaults 0 0
UUID=0EF0-7586 /var/ExChia5 exfat defaults 0 0 
UUID=3837-E26A /var/ExChia6 exfat defaults 0 0
UUID=73338b75-d356-4e7f-9757-948f1078f04e /var/ExChia13 xfs defaults 0 0